ALL HAIL THE WORLD CHAMPION, NIGERIA’S “SPECIAL” LAWMAKERS

We are the champion. Nigeria is the champion of the world. All hail the champion of the world. All hail Nigerian lawmakers. They have beaten other lawmakers of the world including the United States Congress that makes law for the country that Nigeria borrowed the presidential system of government. Nigerian lawmakers are a special breed. They are special and unique in parliamentary deliberations that other countries are today envying Nigerians and wishing that they should be lent to them to make “special laws” that warranted their recent crowning as the champions of the world in jumbo pay by the Economist. These lawmakers are so special, so gifted that even the nation was grateful to them for collecting ONLY $189,500 per annum as salaries and allowances when they deserved more than that. And they are so dedicated to their legislative duties that one of them shed tears recently because even though he was highly educated and was present when a certain issue about early marriage was deliberated he voted the wrong way and asked for forgiveness. And he was forgiven. How can a nation that generously pays him $189,000 per annum in a country where the minimum wage is $113 not forgive a “small mistake” like approving girl-child marriage? Somebody said perhaps the Senator thought he was voting for “Marriage Allowance” for lawmakers to increase their harem. Anyway why will he not make a mistake when those likely to be given away for marriage so early are not daughters of lawmakers, who they kept away in the safety of Oxford to learn while the poor readies their virgin daughters to be dis-virgin by this special breed who preferred them that young. Perhaps if the deliberation that day was on how to add more allowances to their already hefty salaries this lawmaker in question would not have voted in error. He would have voted with all his faculties intact. Soon they are going to be enjoying life pension because of the wonderful legislative jobs they are doing. Nigerians are so grateful over this well-deserved life pension that may soon take to the streets to insist that even when they die, the hefty pension should be appropriated to the land of the dead, so as to make sure they don’t lack anything even on the other side. The world’s best lawmakers so love Nigerian workers that they have removed the power to fix salaries and wages from the exclusive to the concurrent list. With this development it is pay as you earn for states. Jigawa State can decide to pay N10,000 minimum wage, Anambra N13,000, Kano N13,500 and federal government N30,000. And if you are from Jigawa and you are not happy with your salary, go to Abuja where your mates are receiving N30,000 and stop giving headache to your governor. That is the new law being championed by the world’s highest paid lawmakers and a grateful nation is clapping in appreciation. This special lawmakers left their hallowed chambers at Abuja and moved round the constituencies to ask ordinary Nigerians what they want in the review of the constitution and the people say local government autonomy, but the lawmakers say the people don’t know what they want and still left the local governments as an appendage of the states where local government funds must first go to the states (reads governor) before getting to them(if it ever gets to them). Many are now asking, since the lawmakers know what the public want why go through the trouble risking their “precious and special lives” criss-crossing the whole country asking the public’s view. Those asking this “stupid” question forgot that there was estacode to be collected for such trips. It was all about the money. Nigerians think! God save Nigeria!